Love & Loss
by houseofregret
Summary: A short story for Ellie and Riley's final moments together.


**This is how I imagined Ellie and Riley's last moments together. I apologize for any mistakes and my poor writing in general - it's been awhile! Feel free to leave a review with any comments or suggestions. Thank you. :) **

**Also, listen to Saturn by Sleeping At Last while you read! (/watch?v=SEnkgfe6jTM)**

* * *

_You taught me the courage of stars before you left_

_How light carries on endlessly, even after death_

_With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite_

_How rare and beautiful it is to even exist_

* * *

"We gotta find something to hold us down. You know, when we..."

"Got it," Ellie quickly interrupted. She didn't want to hear or speak or even think about what was going to happen to them in the next few hours or days or whenever the infection decided to set in.

They rummaged through drawers and cabinets in every room down the shrouded mall hallway until they both came across an old, rusted dog chain and an old pair of handcuffs Riley had stolen from the dean's office a few months earlier.

Riley held them up in the air. "These'll come in _handy_, am I right?"

Ellie shook her head. "Are you seriously making jokes about this?"

"You're right. I'm sorry."

They eventually found an old office down the hallway where they decided they would spend their last few moments together. They'd already gone back for their backpacks, took a stroll around the mall and climbed to the roof to go 'sightseeing'; they wanted to be able to take everything in one last time, no matter how much they despised this place.

Riley began wrapping the chain around the desk drawer handle and tugged it to make sure it was sturdy enough to hold her back.

"Alright, I'm gonna need you to-" Before she could finish the sentence, Ellie rushed over and pulled her into a hug. She didn't protest, she didn't breathe a word; she simply closed her eyes and pulled her closer, burying her face into her shoulder and taking her scent in.

"Just because I won't be able to hug you again," Ellie muffled.

The idea of leaving each other behind was almost unbearable for both of them. Those past few months that they'd spent together were the best they've ever had; fucking with the Dean every chance they got, , sneaking out at night to meet up with Winston, their late-night talks about life and the world before it all went to shit. Finding someone you love and trust, your other half, in a post apocalyptic world seems impossible, but when it does happen, you make sure to cherish every moment you share together.

"I'm gonna miss you."

"Me too."

They finally pulled apart, both wiping their cheeks with the back of their hands to dry their tears. Riley handed Ellie the chain and sat down with her back against the desk, and Ellie wrapped it tightly around her wrist to secure her. She then sat down at the opposite side of the desk and attached the handcuffs to the desk and then herself.

They sat in complete silence, staring blankly at the wall ahead of them.

"So, I guess this is the way our story ends." Riley ran her fingers over the bite on her hand and let out a deep sigh. "Gotta admit, this isn't the way I expected to leave this shithole."

Ellie forced out a laugh, her voice still hoarse from crying earlier. "And what exactly were you expecting?"

"Something big, y'know? Like taking on an entire pack of infected by myself. Maybe with an axe. Oh, no, wait! A chainsaw. Definitely a chainsaw. Or maybe get into one of those high speed car chases you see in those old movies. God, how fuckin' cool would that be? Or, or! Saving an entire city from destruction by giant alien forces. Hell. Yes."

"It's a shame you couldn't live those out," Ellie added.

She blew out a puff of air. "Yeah. I can settle for this, though. I mean, at least I'm with you."

Ellie felt her cheeks warm up and tried to hold back her smile. Bitten and on the brink of death and Riley still managed to make her feel better.

It went quiet. She watched as Riley sat on her side of the desk, her knees tucked under her arms as she tapped her fingers and hummed along to god-know's-what song.

"I love you, Riley." She didn't expect it to come out so soon or under these circumstances, but in that moment, she really didn't care. She was dying, but she was dying with her best friend, the one person she loved most in this world, and she'd say whatever the hell was on her mind without regretting a goddamn thing. Except... maybe a little.

She closed her eyes and waited for a response, expecting some half-assed answer or mouthful of sarcasm, but instead she felt the light tug of Riley's hand as she intertwined her fingers with her own. "I love you too, Ellie."

Her smile sent a warming sensation through Ellie's body which helped ease the pain of her bite. No one ever said dying would feel this good.

"And this sucks. It absolutely fucking sucks. We had such big plans, y'know? We were gonna finally get out of this prison, join up with the Fireflies, help restore humanity. We were gonna make something of ourselves. And the one time we take a break to enjoy _us_, the world fucks us over, and now we're tied up in this room like dogs waiting to turn into one of those... things. Incredible."

Ellie laughed, but she knew it wasn't funny. Suddenly, Riley started coughing uncontrollably, her body shaking and pulling against the restraints as she did so.

"What's wrong?" Ellie asked, inching as close to Riley as she could with her constraints. Riley continued coughing, each one getting worse, and Ellie cringed when she noticed the blood coming from Riley's mouth.

"Riley? Riley!" Ellie grabbed her hand to try to calm her down, and after a few seconds, it worked.

Riley rested her head on the wall behind her and held her stomach tightly to stop the pain. "Fuck this shit."

Ellie began to panic. She was cold, and she felt weak, but she hadn't felt any other symptoms come on yet.

"How do you feel?" Ellie asked.

"Like that runner who's throat you slit earlier." Her laughter quickly faded as the pain made it's way back.

"I... I don't feel anything."

"People turn at different paces. Your body's probably just better at fighting it off. Hell, you might even survive this."

"Don't joke about that." Ellie didn't even want to imagine life without Riley. She couldn't.

"Riley?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm afraid to fall asleep."

"I know."

She knew that when she woke up, she wouldn't be herself anymore, and she didn't want that. But this was it. Their fate had been decided, and she didn't want to wallow in her sadness. She didn't want their her last memory with Riley to be the fact that they were chained to a desk dying. She wanted to see her smile, hear her laugh, bring back all of the little things that made her fall in love with her in the first place.

"Alright," Ellie started, pulling out the joke book Riley had given to her earlier that day. "I think it's time to lighten the mood."

"Alright, alright. I got a good one." She cleared her throat and ran her finger under the words in her book as she read.

"How did the Italian chef die?"

"Oh, oh! I've heard this one. Um..."

"He _pasta_ way."

They both laughed. "Yeah! That one. I want some pasta now."

"Okay. What did the duck smoke?"

Riley thought about it for a moment.

"Quack."

"I don't get it."

"Me either."

"Why did everyone want the mushroom to come to the party?"

"Because he was a _fun_gi!"

"Oh, wow."

"Too soon?"

"Too soon."

"Two fish are in a tank. One fish turns to the other and asks, 'You know how to drive this thing?'"

Their laughter echoed against the walls around them and helped soothe the pain of the situation just a little more.

"What did the worker at the rubber band factory say when he lost his job?"

"Hm."

Ellie had to hold back her laugh before she finished. "Oh snap!"

Riley threw her head back laughing, hitting the desk as she did so. "Oh. My. God."

"Okie pokie. Last one. Knock knock."

"Who's there?" Riley asked in a mocking tone.

"Boo."

"Boo who?"

"Don't cry, it's only me!"

She shook her head. "You're such a goon."

"Alright, I'm all joked out." Ellie gently closed the book and tucked it away in her backpack beside her.

They stayed quiet for the rest of the night. It wasn't that they didn't want to talk, it was that they didn't need to; the quiet was surprisingly comforting for both of them, and they didn't want to break that.

Riley didn't seem bothered by it all - dying, the idea of leaving this world. While Ellie was absolutely terrified of death and what came after, Riley was the one who'd kick down his door and greet him with open arms.

Ellie always viewed her as invincible. She never showed fear, she was always taking risks and life as it came to her. But as she sat there, her hand clasped tightly in hers, watching her sleep, she realized that she wasn't invincible; she was human, even if it was only for a little while longer. She didn't want to die. She didn't deserve this. _They_ didn't deserve this. This wasn't the way their story was supposed to end.

"Goodnight, Firefly girl."

Sleep slowly began to envelope her, and she took one last look at her best friend before the world around her faded to black.

* * *

Ellie awoke to a loud rustling noise from beside her. Her eyes fluttered open as she tried to focus her blurry vision. Was this a dream? Was she still herself?

"Riley?" She asked. No response.

"Riley?" She called out again.

She tried standing up, but her restraints were still tied to her wrist. She reached for the key on the floor beside her and It was then that she noticed Riley's body jerking around the floor beside her.

Her skin was cracked and her eyes were red and swollen; she hissed and groaned and clenched her teeth when she noticed Ellie standing in front of her, and her hands grabbed the air wildly as she tried to reach her.

Ellie looked down at her arm, then ran her fingers along her skin. Nothing. She hadn't turned.

This had to be a nightmare. She was bitten. They both were. Once you're bitten, your fate is inevitable; you either bleed out and die or wait it out and turn. There's no avoiding that. _Right?_

"No..." Ellie backed up slowly, her shoulders slumped and her feet stumbling as she tried to stay afoot. It was all a blur to her, a combination of the tears clouding her eyes and the weight of the loss finally sinking in.

She collapsed to the ground on her knees, both of her hands pressed firmly against the cracked tiles, her body shaking with each broken sob.

She was gone. She turned, and Ellie didn't. How the fuck was she supposed to live with that?

"Damnit, Riley!" She stood back up, her legs shaking and her fists clenched tightly by her side. "You always had to be first!"

She stared at her best friend, or rather, what was left of her, and tried to understand why she was the one life decided to give up on.

It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair. This world was cruel, and if there was one thing she learned in her time on this god forsaken earth, it was to never take anything for granted. Those last few moments they spent together, no matter how short and bittersweet, was something she'd never forget. It was the last time she saw her face, the last time she heard her voice, the last time she felt the warmth of her hand in hers. And she didn't want to let that go. Ever.

Ellie picked up the pistol from the top of the desk, pushing away Riley's hands as she tried to grab ahold of her, and gripped it tightly in her hands. She backed up slowly, aiming the gun directly at her head. Her hands were trembling, her finger prancing along the trigger, and her cheeks damp from the tears as she managed to look into Riley's eyes one last time.

"_I'm sorry._"

She closed her eyes and turned her head away before finally pulling the trigger.

* * *

_I couldn't help but ask for you to say it all again_

_I tried to write it down, but I could never find a pen_

_I'd give anything to hear you say it one more time_

_That the universe was made just to be seen by my eyes_


End file.
